Posted by: Jerry | January 3, 2007

I’ve got a new plan for God’s word…

Laying in bed this morning and AGAIN waiting for something - anything from God.

And nothing. Nothing at all. Not even a feeling about what is going on - how it feels about me. Nothing.

Usually I can at least tell - what is God thinking about me now - is it positive or egative? Today as for thelast 5 days or so - I’ve felt nothing and heard nothing. Like one of those stupid monkey displays.

Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil… I had a soccer coach in high school that was so cruel that he used to do very bad stuff to us. Then, he would tell us… “what you see here… what you hear here… what is said here… and done here… stays here, when you leave here.”

And so everytime I see those stupid monkeys I remember that and I remember running 16 times around a .9 mile field because I told coach I didn’t feel so great to practice that day. Or, I remember holding a half-pushup position until my body spasmed and gave out repeatedly… and he was there to gripe me out in front of the team. Not pleasant… but, multiply that by 7 or 10 to arrive at my present condition of aggravation and absence of understanding.

Imagine your father suddenly not talking to you. No wait, many fathers don’t talk as it is. Imagine, your mom not talking to you for 5 days. What happens? You feel unloved. You feel like you did something wrong. You feel like maybe she found something in your pocket or in your underwear drawer that you should NOT have had in there.

Imagine that feeling. And then - multiply that by 4 or 5 to arrive at something that approaches what I’m going through now. I’m not bitter - yet- or maybe I’m getting bitter today. This is not how friends treat each other - and what better friend than God? What better relationship could I have with someone else than with God? Is this what happens with close relationships?

Is God TESTING me? If so - I think I’m on the way to failing because there isn’t much I haven’t thought of already. My mind is running willy-nilly as my mom used to say. I have ADD - Attention Deficit Disorder. I scored 300% of baseline on the test instrument. So - when I say my mind is running WILLY NILLY I mean it’s like an ass’s tail fastened to a long antenna on a rednecks truck. Flip flopping flying all over the place. That is a metaphor for my mind… this way and that… flipping flopping… ah, you get the picture I’m sure.

So - I’m trying to keep a little reign on this thing - like a leash of some sort and so I’m using meditation. I had heard about meditation many years ago back when my brother was doing it and I told him it was Satan’s work. The devil will find work for idle hands to do… and basically during meditation you might as well be dead… you’re as idle as one can get. The mind even slows down.

So - that’s working for me a little bit.

Wish I could hear something from God… Wish I could get one sign that at least I didn’t do something WRONG, you know? Is that wrong?

Anyway, I will keep waking up. Keep meditating… keep typing something every so often.

OH! I almost forgot my new plan! See - I really do have ADD!

The new plan is this. When I wake up I relax… even if God DOES start talking to me. Maybe I’ll meditate or something until I”M READY to hear what it’s saying. I cannot be a puppet anymore - my counselor told me. My counselor has a PHD from Kentucky State and though it’s not a great school he seems to understand what’s going on pretty well. He listens VERY well. Better than I do anyway.

So - my plan is - let God know when I’m ready. That way, I’m less stressed out and that way God is less stressed at my seeming incompetence, which is really my “unreadiness” the counselor says. So, when I’m ready - God, GO! When I’m not ready - there’s no point in starting. Lets see if this is something to make God reconsider and talk to me again. It’s a start anyway. Gotta try SOMETHING.

Blessed be as Blessed WAS,

Jerry

Posted in Daily Message, Daily Word, Doubt, God Talk, God's Daily Word, God's Message, Questioning, Where are you?, christianity

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Responses

Hmm - unsure from your posts how seriously you really are seeking God - and somewhat concerned by some of the info you’ve put up as to which god it is you’ve found! From my own (limited) experience, my thoughts are this:

If you truly desire to hear from God DON’T expect an audible voice - He doesn’t operate in that manner any longer (since Jesus in fact). The Holy Spirit is way much more subtle and desiring that you listen and wait on Him to speak primarily through His Word (the bible), and through those around you - solid Christian peers who’ve heard from Him themselves and can guide you more sensibly. My own experience in this area relates to when my husband of 10 years died, and God used the event to change my walk with Him incredibly. Everything was full-on and my desire for Him SO heightened I figured everything that happened was totally of Him, and so when I equally started hearing “him” speak to me audibly I thought “Wow, this is great”, and while many of the messages I got were fairly innocuous, over time I started to question the experience because it didn’t gel with scripture, and God NEVER contradicts His Word. Once I repented of that sin of listening to a false god, He started to REALLY speak to me in much more subtle but equally dramatic means - a scripture verse that would hit me like a brick, someone doing something that answered a prayer for me, doors being opened and knowledge being given that was planted quietly and deeply in my soul and which I could stand on as being from Him. Trust me, when you know the real God, the counterfeit one stands alone and obvious. But it won’t happen overnight - even long term Christians don’t always hear Him clearly - we’re all sinners at the end of the day, and are prone to hearing everything else BUT him more readily!

The usual maxim is that if you’re not hearing from God in any shape or form in your life, it is most likely because of unconfessed sin, and you alone will know what that may be - if you don’t, then ask God to reveal it, but don’t expect letters in the sky or a voice in your ear. Read scripture daily (prob NT for this purpose), - He’ll honour your desire to truly hear from Him, and things will start to happen in a whole new way for you. I don’t know any solid Christian who does hear God speak to them literally, or on a daily basis - it’s more a knowledge that He is (ALWAYS) there for us and hearing us, and that’s why scripture is the best means of hearing Him speak - its HIM speaking to YOU. Seriously - ditch the “voice” dude - once you do, I promise you will hear the One True God (Jehovah) speak to you. BLessings in your quest. TKR.

By: tikkiro on January 3, 2007
at 6:03 pm

Dear TKR, I am glad you wrote… your post was a delight to read… I am not in agreement on much of what you’ve written… but, it is nice to read it anyway…

My personal idea is that you should have listened to the voice in your head. Your personal experience holds more weight than what others are telling you. There are 3 types of knowledge.

Third type is: That which a person you don’t know - tells you. A book. A radio. A tv. A stranger. A story 3rd hand.

Second type: That which someone you know tells you.

First type: That which you experience directly. When God used to talk to me it was direct experience. It was incontrovertible. There is no way that someone could TELL me to not listen to that voice because something in the Bible is written differently.

The bible was written for the people of that generation. That time. We eat things now that were forbidden. Why? It doesn’t apply now. God said things that were for those people. Some things were applied for 2 millenia, and some were dropped. Some were abandoned for other ideas. Some were misinterpreted or interpreted differently and different churches sprang up.

There ARE contradictions in the bible TKR. There are books written about them. Do you choose to ignore them or to accept them? I choose to just know they are there. In my direct experience I’ve seen them and they are in fact, very contradictory.

I don’t believe that God is “desiring that you listen and wait on Him to speak primarily through His Word (the bible), and through those around you - solid Christian peers who’ve heard from Him themselves and can guide you more sensibly.”

We’ve waited for millenia and what? Nothing if I’m to believe you. I don’t. I believe that many are hearing his voice and that many are choosing to ignore it. Please explain to me these so subtle ways that God is telling you his message… because things go your way sometimes? I call that probability. Probability has a wonderful way of mirroring God’s work.

God’s firm, strong voice in my head is telling me that things here are not the way they were intended. The bible of old is outdated and the notion of a dead God that isn’t pro-active and ALIVE is wrong.

Finally, I’m glad nobody told moses to “ditch the voice dude”. Blessed be, Jerry

By: Jerry on January 4, 2007
at 11:14 am

Fair enough - half the enjoyment of having faith is knowing that no two people will have identical experiences of anything within it, but I would caution you to be careful with some of your views - your statement abut the bible being outdated is a dicey one - God has stated His Word will live forever, and given its strong presence in this fairly humanistic and aethistic world I’d certainly concur with that statement.

You also mention that certain things in the bible were for “that time.” The things you mention weren’t so much for that time as for those people i.e. the Jews, however, Jesus came to fulfill the Law and to remove the need for many of the OT practices for the Jews. While we are certainly not under the Law as they are, we are still bound by His Word to us. If you have an attitude of “that was for way back then but not now” to the NT portion in particular - how do you determine what to keep and what to ditch?? If you state that Jesus’ commandment to keep the Last Supper (as we currently do in Communion), then how can you look at other portions of what He’s stated and ignore them - or do you just pick and choose some bits that feel good to do so. You either trust God to ensure the integrity of His Word because He is an Awesome Almighty (and thus more than capable to do so) GOD, not a fallible human OR you decide that He has flaws and is unable to do those things which He Himself has stated He will do, in which case your god is not my God. Do you not believe in God’s Divine Will in totality as being perfect for your life? Doesn’t sound like it when you mention probability - God doesn’t operate by chance or fate or any other such notion that something ‘just might happen’ depending on whether the stars align or some other humanistic notion.

But what I do know is that we could debate such points from now to eternity, and we may never agree on the primary points, which is our privilege. For me - I would much rather totally trust what God declares in His Word to be the Truth He states it is, than put my trust in my own feelings, or the words of man unless they confirm what is in scripture. And that’s what I mean about hearing God speak to me - when you’ve truly heard Him speak to you in His own “still small voice” you won’t listen to audible voices no matter how enticing or encouraging they may be.

Appreciate the debate Jerry - I trust you will find Him in the way you do desire to, as you are obviously very sincerely seeking, and He always honours that :) Blessings TKR

By: tikkiro on January 4, 2007
at 6:36 pm

Thank You

By: Alex on April 25, 2007
at 4:49 pm

I don’t know you, but I promise, if you keep seeking you WILL find Him. This is a momentus time in human history. God is present like never before. We are entering the period referred to biblically as The Marriage Feast of the Lamb and blessed are those who are invited. I don’t write in a lot of gushy gooey sentiment. Just the facts.
http://www.theilluminatedmind.com

By: Amy on March 30, 2008
at 11:10 pm

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