I just found a blog that seems to be what I’ve been looking for…

It’s a Farked Life!

“And on the 8th day god said, “You’re ALL FARKED!”

hahha! I like that for some reason.

God has stopped talking to me and I’m playing the same game - I’m not talking either. What’s the point? We’ve got a few million people that believe talking to god is getting them somewhere - or they have hope that it will. I don’t have that hope. It’s over, finished, through with. God doesn’t talk or listen I don’t think

I had a few instances lately where I was cursing god. Just outright cursing.  The first was when I saw a woman with a spine degenerative disease. She was only about 21 years old and she was grossly malformed and twisting and squirming just to walk forward down the street.

God, what the hell are you THINKING?  You made life hard enough as it is… screwed us with the stupid rules you created, and then some people you worked over GOOD.  FOR WHAT?

What are you DOING GOD? You’ve farked up the entire human condition and yet you’re still finding individuals to attack and humiliate - as if their life wasn’t already going to be hell.

Why did you create a world of suffering? I don’t see a GOOD reason. Stupid, unquestioning christians talk about a GOOD god… a GOOD purpose… what schlock! What a crock of crap that is.

Open your eyes - all of you believers in a good god and take a look around you. What do you see? Good things? I don’t.

I am becoming convinced over these months of questioning… you are not at all a good god. You must be a reject from somewhere else. Some other, good god, told you - go start a loser planet somewhere and see who respects you… see who can live with it.  And you did. And here we are - you’re project, thoroughly dicked over from day 1.

I don’t like it and I’m going to kick you right in your goddamned forehead when I see you.

Jerry

I found myself thinking this morning at 5:30 am as I lay on the cushion I sleep on. You know that state when you’re somewhere between sleep and the mind realizing that in 5 minutes it must make the body get up to face another god-given catastrophe day?

Sometimes Many times when I’m in this state I think about how god screwed us (mankind) from the beginning. I think about all the rules that govern how human beings are, as a species.  We started this game with certain things predetermined you know?

Environment that we grow up in (luck of the draw with the parents we end up with) and choices we’ll make about what we do with our lives don’t come until much later. There’s already many facets of the game that have been layed out for us… the rule book written from beginning to end. We don’t do anything outside of the possibilities that were already given us by whatever creator (god) started this game.

Part of the rule book god made states that… besides being at odds with every human being on the planet because of the pain-pleasure principle which I’ll talk about in future blog posts,

“Man will be at odds with his environment.”

There are many examples of this, and I’ll talk more about the other ways in future articles. This article is about our body temperature being at odds with the world. It’s a stress on the body from the time we pop out to face the cruel world.

I’m angry at god a lot of times. I think the game we’re all playing here wasn’t set up in a way that makes life nice for us… it’s not FOR us… this life is AGAINST us… we’re at odds with life… with the rules of the game.

A human’s body temperature, for it to remain healthy, comfortable, and at ease in the world needs to be very close to the 98.6 F mark of the thermometer.  It doesn’t take an Einstein to figure out that the body and or the mind is constantly stressed by this ideal that MUST be met over the course of our entire lives.

The earth expresses a wide range of temperatures across it’s surface.  At the extremes of the poles the temperature is very cold - probably averaging around 0 F.  At the other extremes are locations within the tropics around the equator where the average temperatures are over 80 F.

There is no ideal temperature in which the body is at a homeostasis or balanced state. Take a look…

You might think, but only for a second, that the body when it’s in an environment where the temperature is at 98.6 F is in the perfect environment.  But then you’d realize that at that temperature the body is trying furiously to cool down.

WHY is that?

For some reason, and this is another rule God made… Human beings, and those that are “warm blooded” mammals like humans, create warmth as the cells of their bodies go about their normal routine.  So, if you are sitting in a 98.6 F degree environment your body is also producing a lot of heat on top of that - regardless if you’re doing anything, you can be sleeping and your body is still producing a lot of heat. Since damage occurs to brain cells and other cells at higher than 102 degrees the body must self regulate through sweating and other means.  So, in reality, at 98.6 degrees F your body is struggling to keep you cool and your mind is stressed out because you’re “too hot”. It’s not a comfortable state for the body or the mind.

Let’s look at another situation…

You’re sitting at home in your yard on a straw mat, or maybe at the beach. The temperature today is one of those 73 F degree days that feels just perfect. There is little humidity and you usually have about 40 of these ideal days out of 365 per year. No mental stress. No body stress that you notice… but, inside the body the cells are still producing heat. They’re working to keep the body warm because the cells of the body must not dip down much from 98.6 F degrees. Nearly every cell in the body must be producing heat to contribute to the 98.6 F ideal.  The body is not at peace.

In fact, the body is NEVER at rest in the ideal temperature range - it’s always working towards the ideal. The ideal MUST be reached each and every day, hour, minute. It’s not OK if the body hits the ideal 95% of the day. It requires close to 100%.

Oh, I almost forgot… there are physical factors in the world that are changing and that are constantly affecting manking…

The temperature is one of those factors.  The temperature is constantly changing here on earth. Not just between latitudes and types of terrain (desert, forest, valley) but from day to day, hour to hour…  Here in Thailand we have nights that are around 65 F degrees. During the day it might shoot up to 95 F.  If it rains in the middle of the day the temperature might dip to 70 F.  Temperatures are changing all over the world, all the time.  So, even if you were able to sit in the 73 degree environment for a day or so… a month?  Eventually it changes. Bang, again your mind as well as your body is at odds with the environment, with the game of life.

What about the humidity?  Humidity, the wetness of the air, has an effect on whether we feel warmer or cooler as well as affecting the body’s ability to regulate it’s temperature. Rain? Snow?

Wind?  The “wind-chill” factor is something that profoundly affects us.

Sun versus clouds?  We feel the sun’s heat through a process of radiation. When the clouds block the sun for an instant the body must change because it no longer feels that heat.

The body is constantly making changes to regulate the body temperature to be as close to 98.6 F degrees as possible.  It’s constantly at odds with the environment.

It’s odd that God did this, putting us in direct conflict with our environment since reptiles and other cold-blooded animals like fishes don’t have the same problem. They are at home in their environment. They still need a range of temperatures in which they can operate as ‘living’, but they have a much greater tolerance for different temperatures. They are not at odds with the environment from day 1, they are more consonant with it - having no stress over it.  But, when they exert themselves their cells also produce heat.

Since probably only adults are reading this blog I’m safe in saying that we all pretty much overlook the problem of being at odds with our environment all the time.  There are times we’re cold or too hot and those are the times that we give it a little thought. How many times did you question god’s intention for creating the human body like it is?

I need to ask.  WHY GOD?  What the hell is the purpose of this, and every other rule in your stupid game? What is the point of making mankind suffer physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually every single day of living on this planet and playing your stupid game?

WHAT is the purpose?

The other night I was reminded of God’s glaring disconcern for anything alive on this screwy planet.

As we drove back home from a beach about 11pm. I hit the breaks hard as I saw something crossing the road oblivious to the speeding vehicle.

I locked up the wheels and skidded shortly as I saw a tiny puppy about 6 weeks old walking across the highway. There was only one house there so we brought it there. The owner claimed no knowledge… hmm. We went back up the driveway and saw a rice bag with a blanket half hanging out of it.

Apparently some thoughtful arse had brought the dog in the bag and left it to play in traffic and get hit.

We took it home and were horrified to find it had 9 ticks with the heads buried under the skin, and thousands upon thousands of eggs in it’s fur. The fur was coming out in clumps and I could have pulled the hair out and made him bald. The poor dog was in bad shape.

We bathed it and did what we could with the bugs. We could only catch the big ticks and a couple big fleas. We could see many thousands moving on her skin though. Apparently they didn’t drown when we held her under the water.

We let her stay in the back shower area until about 5 am when she started to cry like a possessed pig. I gathered it up in a towel and took her to the local temple where there were many dogs and where it’s against their morals to harm it. They’d take some care of it, probably until it died.

Then, as we past the same spot we did before - though 2 days later - I saw the remains of another dog - just like the one we found - further up the road that we must have missed that night. Splatted all over the pavement, brains coming loose and every bone broken by then from being run over a thousand times maybe or more.

Once again God is a no-show.

God has put us here and is watching the show. It’s a horrible show. It’s a freakshow… a horrorshow. And yet, there’s nothing from God… no intervention. No amount of prayer helps. No amount of faith in anything. No amount of hoping.  Caring even…  Everything dies in it’s own way… we all have a moment that means the end of this silly life…  when will yours be?  Will you choose it or let it choose you?

Will you curse God when you finally meet up with it?  Will you ever? Who knows anything? Is there a God?  A good god? A bad god? A nutty god?  Does he look like Rob Zombie or George Burns? Does he look like a dog walking on the highway with 3000 fleas and 9 ticks buried deep in it’s tender 6 week old flesh?

Who knows….

One time as I was laying on the bed in my small apartment in Tampa, Florida I heard a voice…  no lie…

it said, “Alex needs teaching”

I said, WHAT?  What the he** was that???

No answer.

I said, WHAT was that?

No answer.

Hmm.

I sat and thought what it could mean. Alex as my my wife some years before that.  I hadn’t heard from or spoken to her, wrote her, nothing in a very long time…  she needs teaching? Teaching what?

I couldn’t figure it out… then…

“SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO”

I said, WHAT THE HEL* was that!?

See what I can do?  What the he** am I gonna do. She’s in British Columbia, Canada OR she’s still in France boning that French Photographer - Patrick Demarchelier or something like that…. I think she eventually married him and had kids with him.

So, I ignored it… what good was a message I couldn’t make sense of?

See, that’s typical of God - and part of the reason I don’t believe he’s a good or smart god in particular. What the he** good is that message?

It was lost on me. Should have told someone else.

A god that doesn’t make a decent effort to get anything done… to even communicate … what good is that god?

I don’t need that kind of god… the world doesn’t either.

I gotta find me a new god…  this one isn’t up to par for the course…

I decided that I’d like to change the name of this blog to god is an a**hole.  The one, *, will have to suffice as it will get past the censors that censor our freedom of speech.

I no longer believe that god is a ‘good’ god of any sort.  I think god is a twisted entity that doesn’t have our best interests at heart.

How could it?  The entire game we’ve been setup with here is of a mind deranged. There is nothing of lasting good here as it can all change at a minute’s notice - or without notice, for the worse.

One can live a life of posterity… of absolute good in every situation and in every thought and action…  and you know what?  That person, that righteous person… that person that does all good - can still have a hellish life…  what is the purpose of life if no matter if one does good or bad - he or she is given positives and negatives just like everyone else?  What good is there in a life that it makes no difference whether you are a serial rapist or a devoted nun at the monastery for 60 years of your life?  Probability affects you the same as everyone else…  there are things that go our way, and there are things that don’t, it makes not a hair of difference what your actions are… none.  Probability is the same for everyone.  Sometimes things go our way and sometimes they don’t.

You can pray for 72000 hours straight (3000 days) as devoutly as you can possibly be… as pure of thought and intention as you can possibly be… and you know what?  Your prayer, though it might be heard (who knows?) it won’t be acted on except with the same frequency of probability that affects all things.

I’ve prayed in earnest. I’ve had faith in earnest in my early adult years. I’ve trusted with my entire being that some good thing would happen, and you know what?  Statistically some good happened and some bad happened. You know what I noticed?  More good happens when I proactively DO SOMETHING to effect a positive change…

Yah, go figure… what I DO has much more effect than what I pray.

People that pray and that attribute great things to what they prayed are ignoring a lot of things. Number one, they ignore the negatives that occur as being their own fault for a lack of faith in the god they’re praying to.  Number two, they’re ignoring the fact that probability happens this way and that way.  Number three, they’re ignoring the fact that whatever they might be praying for… an “A” on a test… a positive result of a “CAT” scan… the offer on a house they want goes through…. pales in comparison to what 99% of troubles that others have in the world.

In America we pray for simple and selfish things that are so petty as to be laughable. We pray for a sunny day on our vacation so we can enjoy a day at the lake.  Never mind that a rainy day would do more good growing crops than that sunny day ever could do…  we pray selfishly and pettily.

How can someone actually believe that the thing that made this entire game gives half a care about your prayer about the day - if it’s sunny or not sunny?  How could you even have the gall to bother the creator of the cosmos with a plea for an “A” on your test?  Are you insane?  Are you so wrapped up in yourself and your idea of a personal jesus and god and savior that does things just for you becuase you ask for them? Why are you more important than the 6 billion other people on the planet?

Don’t you understand that you need to ACT in order to change something?

Don’t you understand that this god that you believe in gave you much more power to change the probability to being in your favor by ACTING and DOING something - not praying?  Did god ever come through with something?

God is absent. God is a no-show for us now. Maybe in the past god was there -and listened and cared.

Now?

No.

God is an * for not caring and for not being available.  How can something listen and listen to please from children to stop the pain of rape, disease, father’s abuse, blown off limbs, and infections of the eyes… and do nothing?  Please tell me what ‘good’ god can do that?  Please tell me some answer and not your typical blow off the question response, “god works in mysterious ways”.  Yeah, very mysterious so that they don’t make sense to anybody on this earth… and we’re supposed to believe in a good god?

I believe god is an *, through and through. I have told him daily for the past couple weeks.  You know what?  I’m still here saying it!

God is not HERE people.

God does not HEAR people.

God is, for all intents and purposes for mankind, a non-issue.

God is dead.

I just realized I’ve not posted here for months. I have been busy with my life, choosing not to rely on god for anything and it’s turning out as much of the same - no success in any area and lots of disappointment in all of them.

Whether there is faith or no faith I have found that it makes no difference at all. Faith is for the mind to keep going. It’s for the weak and those that prefer to live outside reality.  I live in reality most times now and though it sucks just the same at least I’m not looking for a savior to come and change something.

If I want to change something - I change it. If I don’t change anything - nothing changes. That’s reality. Hope in god to do something for me in my life is ridiculous considering there are other horrifying things going on in the world that he’s quite consistently ignoring. Why would it concern it’s self with me? My problems aren’t all that great yet.

So - we wait to see… will Jerry’s problems get so great that god gives a care and does something?  Not likely.

Notice the little children with cancer that are suffering through chemotherapy at 2 years old, 3…  notice the tears they cry or do you ignore them like the rest of Christians that believe in their “good god”? 

Notice the little children being raped in Cambodia… their vaginas and rectums torn and infected with herpes, syphillus, gonorrhea, trichinosis, and chlamydia… oh, did I mention HIV?  HIV is actually their savior, as it will cut short their suffering someday…  Notice how many of you Christians are doing something DAILY to help those that are not as well off as yourself.

 Notice how you only associate with those of similar beliefs? 

Notice how many Christians are offering shelter, training, food, advice, love, caring, showers, soap, shoes and Q-tips to the millions of homeless in American and elsewhere around the world?

Notice how if Christians DO help that they prefer to help almost anonymously…. and not putting out much more effort than writing a check or dropping money in an envelope at their church so that their money will help others. Notice how good you Christians feel about that weak act…  It’s a cop-out for doing something real and lasting… It’s an easy and cheap way for you to feel like you DID something - when in fact, you’ve just enabled others to do something. You did nothing more than write a check for some amount that meant nothing to you.

How many of you Christians give until it hurts?  I mean really hurts.  How many of you forsake savings so that you can give the money away to someone that needs it NOW?

I’ve become sick of Christianity over these months. I’ve opened up my mind to the sickness that exists within us. I don’t even call myself Christian anymore. I think Christians are a largely worthless lot that groom each other and give everyone in their little groups a “happy-happy”, but that essentially avoid anything where they might become embarrased or need to interact personally with someone one-on-one to effect a change in someone’s life.

Christian?

For what?

Doing a lot of reading lately

Reading everything.

I haven’t blogged before and this is all novel stuff. I’ve missed
out for a couple years of this. Needed a break from internet
things for a long time. I’ve had a break, now just looking
around. There is so much to find.

I’m always concerned about children. My son isn’t with me,
due to his mother’s bailing out. So I’m going solo. I like to
teach kids and if I see a child and can interact with them in
someway to get them to smile - I do it!

Children are the most innocent of us. They are so pure.
There is such filth out there.

I started to read an msnbc site about how they did an
undercover story and got video of these idiots in Cambodia
selling children with impunity.  Sure I’d heard of it -and
I’ve always thought - 15, 16 year old girls… and this
report wasn’t much about them.  This report was about
the 6 year old and 7,8 year old girls and boys that were
there as sexslaves.

I’m not joking.

I found a few sites that were worth reading all of them
making me tearyeyed.

The profound sickness that exists on this Earth is
bewildering to me. Cambodian children, Vietnamese
children that aren’t old enough to ride a bike by
themselves being forced to have sex with 10 men
per day??? What is going on?  Where is GOD for
this?

How can we not ask that question?

I’m asking so many questions lately…

Why God, is there ”Cambodia Child Prostitution”?
There are christians trying to help at their
“Cambodia child prostitution“ site, but how
much can they do?  I read some of their stuff.
They seem like their hands are tied. They watch
and report to police somewhere about guys they
know are criminals. Not much but it’s a start.

What are we doing? I’m only able to send money
every month, but we need a serious effort
against this stuff.

A godly effort would be nice. I don’t believe in
asking for anything - or praying - since he told
me not to - but, jeez… what about this?  Can we
pray about this? Ask God about THIS?

I am really confused about no direct answers.
The things I see here don’t make sense. If I
blindly have faith - yes, no matter. I don’t
think much about the things that don’t make
sense - just trust that it’s all ok. Well, it’s NOT
really ok.  Tell these child prostitutes that are
held in cages and drugged to be compliant for
sex that - ”it’s OK, trust in God sweetheart”
he loves you so much.

How could we tell them THAT and believe
it ourselves?

:(  sad night tonight… goodnight

Godbless, Jerry

Nothing.  Just more of nothing.

Same as for everyone else… nothing.  I’m not sure if I’ll ever hear your voice again… and it’s OK if not… while you were talking it was stressful and yet I felt a connection with you unlike any other connection to anyone here.

God giveth and God taketh away.

For a short time I thought that God was going to actually get involved again.  But there was only the talking for a relatively short while…  perhaps God will choose someone else to reveal his word?  No matter, I’m really not going to worry about it.

Maybe just maybe this is God’s will…  that I start to question everything some more…  everything is God’s will so - this too I imagine.  However, I’m not going in a good direction I don’t believe.  Things are really not making sense much.  Faith, when questioned, does not stand up for long.  The feeling in my mind about God is not at all that concrete anymore without the voice.  I would have a hard time of this in the future I see…

As I was eating my soup there was a piece of pork in it… and I thought about the pig that provided that pork. The pig that feels pain. The pig that lives for whatever reason - maybe just to provide it’s innards for people to consume, who knows the meaning of a pig’s life…  and God has told us through the bible that we are important… that we are God’s children…

and so, what about everything else?  We are God’s children and what are the animals?  Not God’s pets.  They are incidental… having no real meaning at all I believe.  How could they have any meaning - when God has given them the bottom rung in the food chain.  Why is there a food chain?  Why didn’t God make the rules such that we can only eat things that are dead - like snails do…  why do we kill things in order to eat them?

We kill the plants and the animals to eat them.  And they kill each other.

Why?

A more general commandment, thy shall not kill was in effect for 2000 years.  And what was the point of that catch 22?  Did God mean it literally?  That we should only eat that which is dead?  There isn’t a lot we can do that with really…

are coconuts dead when they fall from the tree - or still alive?

Are peanuts dead - when they can sprout a whole new tree… nah, even they’re still alive… same as slitting a cows or pigs throat and bleeding it to death - it’s all technically killing…

Not sure about any of this…  questioning it is not bringing peace of mind… but neither is blindly believing it either.

:((((((((((((((((

Still nothing.

It’s now been over a week. I’m not getting a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g from God anymore. I have been questioning God more lately and I fear that this is what led up to this. That’s my guess anyway. Without God telling me, yes, that’s it - this is my guess.

I’m not as worried about it as I used to be. I think if it comes back it comes back. If not, then it doesn’t.

My God, MY GOD, why have you forsaken me?

I saw the supremely idiotic movie “Passion of the Christ” the other night on DVD. I think I got dumber from that movie. 2 hours (more?) of nothing but someone in pain. Did I get the point? Yes. Actually I got the point from the bible which didn’t even detail it as bad as it was shown in this movie. What idiot thought it should be even worse than it was? If you believe the bible exactly as it’s written there is no need to hype it up. To me it was a mockery of what the bible says. A hideous self-serving mockery.

It also brought something else to mind.

Why has God made one of the top ten rules on this planet that we feel physical pain? Emotional pain, ok - I see the need for it. I see the need that we hurt emotionally. But, physically??? Where did that come from? This is part of my questioning process lately. It sort of came from my brother who is asking me to question everything going on in my life. My brother who thinks he knows everything about religion and free-will and has such an open mind. I want to debate him a lot of times but when we do - it comes down to faith-vs.-objective fact. It’s hard to win that one.

One of the prime rules on this planet is the pleasure-pain principle. Humans and nearly all animals feel pain and pain is interpreted as a negative. Something someone doesn’t want to repeat. This is a law, a rule of human kind… this is something not debateable. The degrees to which someone FEELS the pain is debateable. But, suffice it to say, if someone whipped your back with a club attached to leather straps which contained sharp pieces of metal you would feel it in a negative sense. You would not want that repeated.

On the other hand is the pleasure principle which is that we feel some stimuli as positive. We want it repeated. Eating. Smelling. Sex. Massage.

This pleasure-pain continuum pretty much rules our lives. It may be the MOST important rule that God made. It may also be the most strange. Why in a good God’s world would he want to create physical pain? Physical pleasure - I can see… a good God would want that. Physical pain - I cannot see. I don’t want to question it - but, it came up over time - many times - and now again with this stupid movie by this jackass director that hates Jews.

I watched a spider jump on an ant this morning. It jumped from the wall onto the floor where the ant was. Jumped right on his head - and I saw the spider’s head going up and down a couple times like an oil drill. He was biting the tiny ant with his fangs and injecting a poison that would render the ant immobile, but still alive. He then sucked the fluids from the ant as it was alive.

I watched a centipede on a utube video that jumped on a mouse and bit it numerous times in the neck until it died. The centipede then also sucked the juices from the mouse as it died.

When I lived in Maui I was bitten by a centipede. Not a big one like this one in the video, but only about 3 inches long. I was hiking through a stream and sat down for a bit to rest and I felt a sting on my foot which quickly, before I could react to the first feeling, turned into a fire on my foot. When I saw the centipede latched on to my foot I freaked and smashed it with my fist and ground it into the rocks and dirt, cussing it the entire time.  My foot swelled up like my kneecap and hurt for a week.

I thought then too - what is the point?

Anybody want to enlighten me as to the point?