Still nothing.

It’s now been over a week. I’m not getting a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g from God anymore. I have been questioning God more lately and I fear that this is what led up to this. That’s my guess anyway. Without God telling me, yes, that’s it – this is my guess.

I’m not as worried about it as I used to be. I think if it comes back it comes back. If not, then it doesn’t.

My God, MY GOD, why have you forsaken me?

I saw the supremely idiotic movie “Passion of the Christ” the other night on DVD. I think I got dumber from that movie. 2 hours (more?) of nothing but someone in pain. Did I get the point? Yes. Actually I got the point from the bible which didn’t even detail it as bad as it was shown in this movie. What idiot thought it should be even worse than it was? If you believe the bible exactly as it’s written there is no need to hype it up. To me it was a mockery of what the bible says. A hideous self-serving mockery.

It also brought something else to mind.

Why has God made one of the top ten rules on this planet that we feel physical pain? Emotional pain, ok – I see the need for it. I see the need that we hurt emotionally. But, physically??? Where did that come from? This is part of my questioning process lately. It sort of came from my brother who is asking me to question everything going on in my life. My brother who thinks he knows everything about religion and free-will and has such an open mind. I want to debate him a lot of times but when we do – it comes down to faith-vs.-objective fact. It’s hard to win that one.

One of the prime rules on this planet is the pleasure-pain principle. Humans and nearly all animals feel pain and pain is interpreted as a negative. Something someone doesn’t want to repeat. This is a law, a rule of human kind… this is something not debateable. The degrees to which someone FEELS the pain is debateable. But, suffice it to say, if someone whipped your back with a club attached to leather straps which contained sharp pieces of metal you would feel it in a negative sense. You would not want that repeated.

On the other hand is the pleasure principle which is that we feel some stimuli as positive. We want it repeated. Eating. Smelling. Sex. Massage.

This pleasure-pain continuum pretty much rules our lives. It may be the MOST important rule that God made. It may also be the most strange. Why in a good God’s world would he want to create physical pain? Physical pleasure – I can see… a good God would want that. Physical pain – I cannot see. I don’t want to question it – but, it came up over time – many times – and now again with this stupid movie by this jackass director that hates Jews.

I watched a spider jump on an ant this morning. It jumped from the wall onto the floor where the ant was. Jumped right on his head – and I saw the spider’s head going up and down a couple times like an oil drill. He was biting the tiny ant with his fangs and injecting a poison that would render the ant immobile, but still alive. He then sucked the fluids from the ant as it was alive.

I watched a centipede on a utube video that jumped on a mouse and bit it numerous times in the neck until it died. The centipede then also sucked the juices from the mouse as it died.

When I lived in Maui I was bitten by a centipede. Not a big one like this one in the video, but only about 3 inches long. I was hiking through a stream and sat down for a bit to rest and I felt a sting on my foot which quickly, before I could react to the first feeling, turned into a fire on my foot. When I saw the centipede latched on to my foot I freaked and smashed it with my fist and ground it into the rocks and dirt, cussing it the entire time.  My foot swelled up like my kneecap and hurt for a week.

I thought then too – what is the point?

Anybody want to enlighten me as to the point?

Laying in bed this morning and AGAIN waiting for something – anything from God.

And nothing. Nothing at all. Not even a feeling about what is going on – how it feels about me. Nothing.

Usually I can at least tell – what is God thinking about me now – is it positive or egative? Today as for thelast 5 days or so – I’ve felt nothing and heard nothing. Like one of those stupid monkey displays.

Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil… I had a soccer coach in high school that was so cruel that he used to do very bad stuff to us. Then, he would tell us… “what you see here… what you hear here… what is said here… and done here… stays here, when you leave here.”

And so everytime I see those stupid monkeys I remember that and I remember running 16 times around a .9 mile field because I told coach I didn’t feel so great to practice that day. Or, I remember holding a half-pushup position until my body spasmed and gave out repeatedly… and he was there to gripe me out in front of the team. Not pleasant… but, multiply that by 7 or 10 to arrive at my present condition of aggravation and absence of understanding.

Imagine your father suddenly not talking to you. No wait, many fathers don’t talk as it is. Imagine, your mom not talking to you for 5 days. What happens? You feel unloved. You feel like you did something wrong. You feel like maybe she found something in your pocket or in your underwear drawer that you should NOT have had in there.

Imagine that feeling. And then – multiply that by 4 or 5 to arrive at something that approaches what I’m going through now. I’m not bitter – yet- or maybe I’m getting bitter today. This is not how friends treat each other – and what better friend than God? What better relationship could I have with someone else than with God? Is this what happens with close relationships?

Is God TESTING me? If so – I think I’m on the way to failing because there isn’t much I haven’t thought of already. My mind is running willy-nilly as my mom used to say. I have ADD – Attention Deficit Disorder. I scored 300% of baseline on the test instrument. So – when I say my mind is running WILLY NILLY I mean it’s like an ass’s tail fastened to a long antenna on a rednecks truck. Flip flopping flying all over the place. That is a metaphor for my mind… this way and that… flipping flopping… ah, you get the picture I’m sure.

So – I’m trying to keep a little reign on this thing – like a leash of some sort and so I’m using meditation. I had heard about meditation many years ago back when my brother was doing it and I told him it was Satan’s work. The devil will find work for idle hands to do… and basically during meditation you might as well be dead… you’re as idle as one can get. The mind even slows down.

So – that’s working for me a little bit.

Wish I could hear something from God… Wish I could get one sign that at least I didn’t do something WRONG, you know? Is that wrong?

Anyway, I will keep waking up. Keep meditating… keep typing something every so often.

OH! I almost forgot my new plan! See – I really do have ADD!

The new plan is this. When I wake up I relax… even if God DOES start talking to me. Maybe I’ll meditate or something until I”M READY to hear what it’s saying. I cannot be a puppet anymore – my counselor told me. My counselor has a PHD from Kentucky State and though it’s not a great school he seems to understand what’s going on pretty well. He listens VERY well. Better than I do anyway.

So – my plan is – let God know when I’m ready. That way, I’m less stressed out and that way God is less stressed at my seeming incompetence, which is really my “unreadiness” the counselor says. So, when I’m ready – God, GO! When I’m not ready – there’s no point in starting. Lets see if this is something to make God reconsider and talk to me again. It’s a start anyway. Gotta try SOMETHING.

Blessed be as Blessed WAS,

Jerry

I know we’re not supposed to pray and so I haven’t… but uhm, you’re not
saying anything anymore. What happened?

I feel like I must have done something wrong, but I’m not sure what. When
you told us to pray in the bible I prayed and prayed and prayed and
prayed. I prayed with the faith of a mustard seed and the whole tree. That’s
when you started to speak to me like I was your partner in this.

Now I haven’t heard anything. What happened? I’m sure something is not
OK and yet, I won’t know how to change it until you start talking again. Can
you start again please?

I’m facing tough scrutiny from a couple of people reading my blog and I’m
not sure how to answer them because you’re not there for me anymore -
giving me the answers.

Was that it – give me the new commandments and then never speak again?

I’ll wait some more… what else is there? I went to church and said a tiny
prayer and I’m wondering if that might be what you’re not so happy about.
I also noticed that the money went down this month from the fund. Am I to
become JOB now? First Milano’s pizza was closed, then the fund went
down… and now it’s been days since you said anything at all.

I’m sleeping not so good either now.

But you know all this I presume. Or doth I presume too much??

Ok, I’m here if you want to give me any message…

I get a bit stressed out by all this.

Imagine waking up and feeling a bit agitated after just 3 hours
of sleep because you were stressed out over the new commandments
and then the voice of GOD comes to you like THUNDER and
there are more instructions.  You would feel like you’d better
start writing it down or have a VERY good memory for things.

You might be a little stressed out too.

I prayed that GOD would give it to me in smaller chunks. He can go
on and on for 10 minutes, 25  minutes, and longer and there is just
no way in GOD’s green Earth that I can get all of that information
down to spread it to his flock.

Starting today GOD worked out a plan for us. He will give mankind a
DAILY WORD which will be small enough to digest.  The commandments
he just gave in the past post were quite long and yet, I think a worthwhile
addition to blog.

Wouldn’t you say so?  PRAISE GOD!

Small instructions… small things that need to be said. The commandments
are for everyday.  They must be taken as a whole as the guideline for our
LIVES.  These small bits of instruction will be things to think about and put
us in the right spirit on a daily basis.

You’ll want to subscribe via RSS or ATOM FEED so you don’t miss any of
them.  I don’t have a good feel for what they’ll be like yet, so we’ll see maybe
in the morning. I have put a pad of paper by the bed now so it shouldn’t be a
problem to get most of what GOD says down on paper and ready for his
sheep.

I print these write-ups and take them to Church where sometimes I’m
allowed to post them on the wall.  But, ideally we need to reach much greater
numbers with this posts. GOD is talking after all these years… We NEED to be
listening.

Praise GOD and BABY JESUS and MARY JESUS and the saints of Jesus and GOD.
Praise be to those that have and have not and have what and whatnot.  The
Kingdom of Heaven awaits!  Praise be to GOD and you, his sheep.

 God Bless and Good Day… See you tomorrow with God’s Daily Word!

-Jerry

“I hear you GOD…”

This morning was cool – there was some light fog as I peered out the
window at the rubber plantation… The sun was absent and it’s warmth
wasn’t felt yet at this hour. It was the early part of six am and my
partner was still fast asleep. The cocks had been crowing for an hour
at least – that I remember. I must have woken around five-ish.

In that relative calm… that stillness of morning God came to me with
what I think to be the most important instructions ever. He said,
“Jerry, get some paper and write down these, my NEW commandments”.

I said, “Lord, are there many or few?”

He replied, “A few to me may be many to you.”

And so I got a whole notebook… these are the NEW COMMANDMENTS
as he told me this morning at approximately 6:10 am, 28 December 2006.

1. Do not abbreviate the year as 06. It is 2006 for a reason. It reminds more
people that “IAM” that reason.

2. I am the LORD your GOD, NUMBER ONE, and every other number,
and you must not have any other God before me OR after me. If
you encounter someone that believes THEY know the real GOD
and it is not “I” then you must use whatever means necessary to
annihilate them, piece and parcel. Small and large caliber weapons,
mortar fire, Chinese killing traps, starvation, and whatnot. Whatever
means NECESSARY (he stressed this word).

Now, BEFORE you kill them there is something you must do…

With the accused on looking, begin removing ALL televisions, radios,
computers, PDAs, cell phones, external hard disks, CDROMS,
DVD ROMS, IPODS, ZUNES — if you can find any, digital and tape
recorders, camcorders, digital cameras, and gameboys from their
residence and burning them in a pile in the front of their house not
JUST for their benefit, but so that all others may know that I am
the lord your GOD and no efforts will be spared to secure that
position.

my comments: In a sense, he told me, electronic gadgets have become our secondary
GODs. We give our time to them like we would have given to our
children before their invention.

3. Electronic gadgets ARE THE ANTICHRIST! (He was audibly enraged
when he stated this one.) Give to me what is mine and give to your families
and children what is rightfully theirs. Give me PRAISE and give TIME
to your families and children. This is the word of the LORD your GOD.

my comments: This one is going to be tough. What else are we going to
do all day? Talk to our kids? Make small talk with our partners? Plant
a tree?

4. DO NOT KILL! Except… *If you need to eat something and there is
nothing else. *If you have been threatened with deadly force. *If you are
enforcing one of my other commandments that contradicts this one.
*Euthanasia is OK *Capital punishment is OK if, after you’ve prayed
about it, you still feel good about carrying it out.

5. Do NOT EAT shellfish, crabs, oysters, or the fishes of the sea or freshwater
for a period of 19 years. These resources need to be allowed to replenish
themselves or there will be none for my future worshippers.

my comments: This one’s not so bad… look at it as a gift you’ll get in 19 years
- as much as you can eat seafood buffets open all over the planet. It will be
worth the wait…

6. Sleep with your neighbor’s wife if it’s OK with him, however, realize that
what is permissible BY me is not permissible FOR me. Do not do it in my
name, but do it out of uncontrollable lust and deprivation which exist
because I made them exist.

my comments:  GOD seems aware of the catch 22’s that exist…
7. Eat that which has any typed feet. Hoofed, Cloven, Snarled, and Clubbed.
However, those of you that eat that which HATH NOT feet will be, along
with 3 successive and 2 preceding generations of your blood, relegated to
sucking slugs out of cracks between rocks in HELL because you did not
OBEY the lord, your compassionate and perfectly fair GOD.

my comments: snails, slugs, snakes, fish, sea cucumbers, sea horses,
tadpoles, etc…

8. Your FIRSTBORN is sacred. Your second and third, equally so. The
fourth is excess and the fifth and subsequent are abominations to the
Lord your God and you must put them in a room in solitude and not
show them love. For by not showing them love you are lavishing love
upon me. This is the word of the Lord your GOD.

9. Do not eat especially that which is healthy, that which brings longer
life. Do not exercise to extend your life. Do not take medicine that
lengthens your life on earth. Do you not know that I will adorn you
to greater lengths than Solomon in all his splendor? In your earthly
death I am adorning you with the gifts of heaven in the blink of an
eye. Life on earth is nothing special. Stop asking so many questions
about it. If I wanted you to live longer you would live a couple of
millennia. Is that what you want? Be careful what you ASK FOR!

my comments: GOD was getting perturbed as he stated this
commandment. I can sense that there are QUITE a few things
that are irking him about our present day behavior. He was well
composed during most of his oration today, but just a couple of
times I know he was sweating with rage and holding it back.

10. Kiss the POPE’s ring or any of the Bishops’ rings and you’ll KISS
away the kingdom of heaven. I am a jealous GOD and you’ll have
no other GODs before me, not even the Pope.

11. Start giving money to SOMEONE for SOME good reason.
If you have extra to spend a few thousand on cigarettes and alcohol
then you’ve got enough extra to put off the NEW ELECTRONICS.
Find someone that needs it and give them some CASH today.

12. My FINAL commandment is that you stop praying. Praying is
fruitless. I neither hear you nor act on your wishes, no matter how
heartfelt. No matter how long you pray the pray the same thing.
The world is made and FINISHED. There are not updates to it. Instead, I
choose to bring YOU up to date with the latest commandments.
The world with it’s physical laws, laws of genetics, math, and the
doubling of speed of processors every 18 months is NEVER
going to change. LIVE WITH IT. That is my will. Stop praying!

13.  MY FINAL COMMANDMENT is… I am always the WINNER.  If
you are the winner, then, I am the winner too.  But, if I am the winner,
I AM THE ONLY WINNER.

my comments:  AMEN!

I thought I’d share my weekly prayer – I can’t seem to
pray that often, but I say one every week
almost without fail.

Dearest God in the highest heaven and surrounded by
the loveliest angels, butterflies, and aura

Dearest God I thank you for your many blessings that
you’ve handed over this week. I got money from Dora,
Jazz, and Anthony and I was able to do what I wanted
with some of my free time.

Thank you god for me seeing the cripple at the market
the other day as I rode by on the motorbike. You work
in mysterious ways, and when I saw that boy I knew
you must have been hard at work there – to provide him
as an example of your power and your mercy.

Surely everyone that sees him feels it in the pit of their
stomach – the pain… of living a life like that … of being
so different… of not living a life like others’. My eyes
winced when I saw him and I’m still not really right
over it.

But, you were born with all of your body in-tact! Praise
GOD! Your father was looking out for you. It must have
been important that you looked perfect as a man and
acted perfect… And you are, DEAR GOD!

Your mother… your brother… there is nothing in the
scriptures about them missing arms or legs or eyes or
being afflicted with anything. PRAISE GOD!

But, this little boy on the bike with the levers that he
moved forward and back to move his bike because his
legs were stumps was trying so hard… and I thought,

THAT’S IT! THAT’S THE MEANING of it all! The
boy STILL CAN TRY! HE STILL CAN HAVE FAITH!

Not that he had faith, he’s likely Buddhist, but, he can
have faith in something at least… He’s not that afflicted
I guess.

I pray for this world that it changes – and quick.

I pray for myself – that I can do something towards
helping religions and nations come together under
your great name dear god.

I pray for my girlfriend and her little baby, that he
can see the truth as he grows up with us. That he can
follow the truth and know the truth and believe the
truth and be wise about the truth.

I pray for truth.

I pray for justice.

Dear God my father, I pray you’ll hear my prayers…

Amen and Amen…

I wanted to wish everyone a special Merry Christmas!

Many of you have already asked me what God has said
today and I’ll tell you, it hasn’t stopped talking since I
woke up this morning!

I have to paraphrase because my memory is not
perfect as God’s message…

Today isn’t really my the day of my birth… but no
matter it is a day for celebration.  It is a day when
birds sing loudly and butterflies suckle the sweet-
est nectar…

Christmas is a time for giving and receiving.
Receiving is good because it allows others to give.
The two are inseparable really. The world is set up
in dichotomies like this, and it is my will.

Such is my will that the people of the nations
will follow me.  Mankind is slow to catch on.
2000 years and there are more followers of
other religions than Christianity. Christianity
is the ONLY way. Bible-based belief is the
ONLY way.

(I started to write notes after a while. I was
in my bed, and had just gotten up when this
started. It was loud and clear and at first I
thought I could remember, but impossible
after the first 5 minutes…)

“Passion of the Christ” doesn’t BEGIN to
portray the beatings I suffered at the hands
of men.  ”Independence Day” doesn’t BEGIN
to portray how the world will suffer as it
continues to worship other Gods… other
lies.

I am the Lord your God. I am the Alpha and
the Omega. I am the first. I am the last. I am
that which is neither.  I am.  I am.

God talked for over 2 hours already this morning,
and, embarrassingly I am tired… my mind cannot
grasp everything and nor can I record it in any
meaningful way that would be without error. I
don’t have a recorder and couldn’t repeat back
everything he says, and maybe that would be
disrespectful anyway… I don’t know.

There is so much I don’t know Lord and you
picked me to tell these things???  How many
others are hearing the same message? Are
there more?  10?  1000?  Maybe by posting
these messages on the blog it will put me in
touch with others that are hearing your voice.

I think you chose the wrong man to tell your
story…  I am not worthy of your good message.
I cannot convince others that you are real. My
friends they believe that you may be a bad
voice in my head and not good! HOW CAN
THEY SAY THAT?

I am here Lord and I will do whatever it is
that I can do - but please don’t expect any
moving mountains.

Merry Christmas to all! and to all a GOOD
NIGHT!

God Bless,  Jerry

This morning I woke up feeling really good. The sun was
shining through the second floor of our bedroom… and it
was cool out… the breeze coming through the open
window. The chickens were making noise out past the
rubber plantation that borders our rented home.

There are birds, but really many more butterflies than
birds around here. Not sure why. Very few birds here…

So I went to shower and as the water hit me and shocked
me a little bit I heard God talking to me again like the
wind and yet strong, no real emotion… just talking and
I was just listening like his child…

“Jerry, there are many religions in the world… those that
know me and those that don’t know me. Those that don’t
know me are not ‘of’ me. If they not for me they are
against me. I am for everyone to drink as the most pure
water. I want the world to drink of me. All religions must
join together under my name Jerry. See what you can do.”

Wow, see what I can do? God never really asked me to DO
something before… I wouldn’t have any idea where to start.
I didn’t talk, I just listened… my heart beat strong as I
realized god wanted me to DO something. Jesus! How can
I do something???

I went downstairs and had my coffee and cigarette. I don’t
smoke much but I was still a bit shaken. In fact, I’m shaking
now!

When Jimmy Swagart told me “the lord works in mysterious
ways Jerry”, he wasn’t lying. Of course. The ways are a
mystery to me. How does it expect me to convert the World?

What do we have – 7 billion people by now? Should I email
them God? SMS? Blog and send links? I don’t know. I’m at
a loss. In fact, I’ve been sitting here for 3 hours and 45
minutes smoking and eating nutter butter cookies while I
figure out a starting point.

Aren’t there like a few hundred MILLION muslims? A
BILLION Hindus? Hare Krishnas and Maharajas and
everything else. Buddhists! How many Buddhists in
China, Vietnam, India, Thailand, and Hong Kong?
Another BILLION? Don’t the Buddhists’ believe that
they ARE GOD? How do I convince them not to
believe in themselves or their experience?

God, you gave us this mind… this logic… and we all
believe things – that were handed to us and that we
grew up believing without question. I believe my
mom is a good person. I believe my GOD is you.

I don’t even think we’re in the majority as far as
religions or believers go. Again, I might be wrong.
How do I change someone’s beliefs that grew up
believing something their whole lives??? Believing
something that their FATHER or MOTHER told
them… those kinds of things are not easily done.

How would someone convince ME to disbelieve in
GOD? Impossible! HA! What a joke that would
be. But, this was no joke. God said it.

I need to think for a while and no amount of
writing is going to resolve this. I hope he doesn’t
ask me anything else or remind me anytime soon.

I don’t really feel so well…

Jerry

Many times I hear this question from people asking me or
from the news or at church groups or whatnot. It’s quite
a popular complaint of people. They pray and pray and
pray and pray and pray and are wondering to themselves,

“Does God even hear what I’m saying?”
“Why doesn’t god hear my prayers?”

I struggled with this for many years… wondering what
was happening myself. Did God hear me? Did it care?

I asked myself these questions daily – and never stopped
praying earnestly – like my life depended on it, like my
SOUL depended on it… and eventually the answers
started flowing…

“Yes Jerry, I hear you…”
“I’m making iself known to you…” Iself is what God calls
itself. I asked once, “why not ‘myself’ and God said…

“I am not MYself Jerry, because I don’t own myself.
I am for you and the rest of the believers in me. I am
here for you as you’ve been there for me – doing my
work with the other of my children…”

So, ‘iSelf’ is just a way God refers to it…

I didn’t ask anymore… occasionally I can sense a
little aggravation in the voice of God and I back off.
Too many questions at once is not so good an approach.
I like to ask a question and then listen usually. God
likes to talk – so usually I listen. It’s respectful that way.

I have to take God’s side for a minute… do you think
that your prayers deserve to be heard? You know
what I’m saying… do you really have a pure heart
and intention when you ask that your prayers be
answered?

Are you asking for God to help you lose some weight
while there are starving people all over the world
that could use the extra food you’re overeating with?

If you had to ask yourself – “What is a better way
to lose weight?” One way might be that you could
eat smaller meals and send the money you save to
help kids being forced to eat bugs and handfuls of
rice donation handouts.

Do you see what I’m saying? I’m not trying to be
too upfront, but I think sometimes being upfront is
ok. Maybe I ate too much one time too – that’s ok,
but, the next time I think about children with
swollen bellies and dying for food… and I think God
shrinks my stomach a little bit.

In the bible was said something regarding not needing
to eat – because God is the bread and the drink and
that we could live off his words. I believe that. If
you believe it, you too could find peace. At least
if you believe what he said. Do you believe it?

And so – there are many things that we ask God
for. Some are worthy of his listening to and some
are not. Some are selfishly prayed in the hopes
that you’ll get something special from him. A gift.
We always want the gift, but we don’t always
want to GIVE a gift.

GIVE God a gift and yourself a gift by asking
yourself before you pray if, by praying for
something, you are of a pure heart… of an
unbridled consciousness… and if that is the
truth. The God’s honest truth then maybe
it’ll listen… and maybe he won’t… nobody
really knows the workings of God’s mind.

If you want to pray about something that
will help a lot more people than yourself,
pray for sustained rain to fall across
the drought-devastated East Africa’s Horn
region. If rain doesn’t fall, crops don’t grow.

God said, “If you spend more time before
you pray thinking about what it is you
really want… you’ll come up with some-
thing better to pray about 4 out of 5 times.”

I don’t think that he’s saying that those of
us that are on the internet with our free
time are wasting his time, just that if we
question a bit before we pray we’ll learn
more about ourselves and why we’re
asking for something trivial while others
don’t even have the basic necessities of
life.

Interesting facts about Hunger > Millions of Mouths Blog

God bless…

Jerry

After a life of contemplation and fervent belief in bible based Christianity I started to hear God’s voice on occasion.  I know what some of you must be thinking – are you sure???  Yes, I am sure 100%. God told me that it was not talking to many people, but that I had a “pure heart” and it “made itself known to me”.  And, it has…  usually there is nothing of global importance… but it’s about my life and what I’m doing… what others are doing. I have astounded my family and friends with the logic and love I seem to exude during times of crisis and dilemma.

I invite you all to share in this blog with comments or to send me
private email as you feel led to do so…